Oh Best Buy
A poem, by me.
Oh Best Buy
Why must you piss me off so?
My iPod was broken.
The top plastic piece was coming off.
I called upon the warantee.
You told me everything would be fine.
I waited.
Oh how I waited and waited.
How I then called.
Only to find out that you,
Oh Best Buy,
Had had it in for a week.
I alienated everyone in your store.
You finally held up your warantee and admitted your mistake.
Not only was it not my fault, but you sent it to the wrong depot.
I was sad. My iPod was not fixed.
Oh Best Buy, Oh Best Buy, Oh Best Buy.
You sent it out to the “right” depot.
You called me on time.
You called me and told me you replaced the battery.
“Hey that’s great, but that wasn’t the problem” I reply.
I go in, to pick it up.
Oh Best Buy, you tell me it is a refurb.
Maybe.
I think, “Okay, as long as it works.”
I bring the iPod to London.
The iPod did not taste the chicken.
It was on hold.
Oh Best Buy. Oh Dear Best Buy.
Monday I hear a pop.
I pray that I have blanked out and made popcorn.
Oh no Best Buy. It is my iPod.
You did not fix the problem, no.
Did you pray Best Buy that it would be fine?
Did you think it would last a week?
Doesn’t matter. I brought it back in.
Back in to Best Buy.
Your customer service rep, she seemed good, yes.
She has now taken my iPod.
She will send it off back to the depot.
But Best Buy, you have but 20 days.
20 days to fix my iPod.
Then you will be holding up your warantee.
Replacing my iPod.
Likewise, dear Best Buy, this is the third time.
The third time it has gone in for repair.
Oh Best Buy, do you know what this means?
This means that if this repair,
THIS repair
Must arrive in less than 20 days.
Must be fixed.
Must not break.
Oh Best Buy. I have already lost faith in you.
If this repair does not go smoothly,
Oh Best Buy, I will be bringing you down with me.
I will tell everyone I know about your so-called Performance Service Plan.
Your dear PSP.
And how it is but a load of bullshit.
Or at least certainly worse than this poem.
This poem that does not rhyme.
This poem that is about a box store,
My iPod,
And the PSP.
Thank you, that is all. Wait, was going to work into there somewhere on how I might’ve been better off supergluing the damn thing, voiding my warantee, than dealing with these clowns. Yes, I know I can’t spell.
Your cover plate is coming off? Oh, we will replace your battery then! Maybe you should avoid Best Buy… and iPods all together…
this was marvelously written!!
bravo! bravo!
the emotion is so clear! the absence of rhyme is clearly a device to illustrate the lack of understandable pattern in Best Buy’s behaviour.
just the top of the coverplate… but more exactly the white pastic bit that’s on top, where the hold button lives.
I’m already avoiding Best Buy. I’d avoid iPods, but my warantee’s still good for another two years, and I’m not throwing all that money away without good cause. Also, I’m kinda liking iTunes, and this wonderful thing called podcasts.
thanks Zoe. I didn’t think it deserves all this praise, but it kept me occupied when I was oh so angry.